The Film Chronicles

Takers

Takers, 2010, Action
Plot: A gang of thieves team up for a last heist after one of their old leaders springs out of jail.

Thoughts: This film was just a poor man’s Ocean’s 11. The story wasn’t compelling and the characters were hardly like-able/ relate-able. The characters lacked any depth, but the writers attempted to make up for it by making their home lives crappy (which just added to the confusion). Nothing beat the cheesy “let’s blow this up as we walk away and not look back”, what was Luessenhop thinking with that shot?

The characters are a hodgepodge of B list actors, or should I say entertainers, with some being better than others. They tried to save the script and directing and narrowly succeeded. The action scenes were a bit too fantastic (at one point Hayden Christensen beats up 3 guys who are triple his size) but also entertaining. Chris Brown’s chase scene was exciting but it got a little monotonous. This was a sub par film that could have been much better.

2.8/5

Blood Sacrifice for Fame, Fortune, & Freemasonry

Blood Sacrifice for Fame, Fortune, & Freemasonry, 2010, Documentary
Plot: This “documentary” attempts to link all famous and successful black people with devil worship and soul-selling.

Thoughts: I can’t believe I’m even counting this, but I am. This random guy just compiled a bunch of random pictures and made bogus claims about an organization that he thinks he knows exists. His strongest source in the movie were facial expressions of various people. This was awful, awful, awful. Extremely racist and derogatory.

.000001/5

Patrice O’Neal: Elephant in the Room

Patrice O’Neal: Elephant in the Room, 2011, Comedy
Plot: A 77 minute stand-up routine by one of my favorite comedians.

Thoughts: His routine was very off and on and I didn’t enjoy it too much. At times he got a little too vulgar and some of his material just wasn’t as funny as it used to be. Comedy is one of those subjective things, though. So I’m sure there is a large audience that will enjoy this.

2.4/5

Sgt. Bilko

Sgt. Bilko, 1996, Comedy
Plot: This movie shows the antics of a smooth-talking and mischievous sergeant in the US army who is challenged by a former colleague.

Thoughts: This movie is very nostalgic, I remember watching it with my brother over and over again and laughing every time. It wasn’t as funny as it was then, but it was still really entertaining. It’s nice to see movies not revolve around drugs and sex and yet still be funny. Steve Martin is a genius and Phil Hartman compliments him perfectly. The movie was both clever and well done and I am happy that I took the time to watch it again.

3.9/5

Volcanoes of the Deep Sea

Volcanoes of the Deep Sea, 2003, Documentary
Plot: A close look at the title’s namesake, volcanoes.

Thoughts: This film was boring, then interesting, and then boring. The old guy reminiscing in the beginning was a little weird and the actual stuff that was discussed wasn’t super interesting. It was a decent film nonetheless. I would have much rather have seen it in the real IMAX theater.

2.6/5

The Natural History of the Chicken

The Natural History of the Chicken, 2001, Documentary
Plot: A look at how chickens are more than what’s for the next meal.

In a word, this movie was strange. It was just a bunch of crazy people who talked about how much they loved chickens and roosters. Not what I expected.

1.3/5

District B13

District B13, 2004, Action
Plot: A slum in Paris is blocked off by the rest of the city and has no police force or education system and is run by drug dealers. One of the residents of D13 teams up with a Parisian cop to stop a drug lord from using a bomb and save his sister.

Thoughts: Really fantastic movie. The stunts, the story, the characters, everything was really spot on and gripping. I still don’t understand how the French can continue to be more consistent in quality films than Americans…but I like it. This film really raises questions about poorer neighborhoods and areas and how we should address them. I heard that there was a part 2 that was really a “part Boo”. You like that didn’t you?

4.6/5

Becoming Human

Becoming Human, 2009, Documentary
Plot: A look at the scientific origins of humanity.

Thoughts: A look at the movement into becoming a human, it goes on a little too long and is pretty repetitive. There was some interesting points that were made and it was interesting to see how and why things developed the way they did.

3.6/5

Kicking & Screaming

Kicking & Screaming, 2005, Comedy
Plot: A middle-aged father takes over coaching his son’s soccer team to prove to his dad that he can succeed.

Thoughts: This was probably Ferrell’s 2nd worse movie (next to Elf) because it lacked any character development aside from his own character. Mike Ditka was a welcomed surprise but he was in the movie about an hour too long. Ferrell told his usual jokes but everyone around him really didn’t have a chance to support him. This was an average movie with funny parts.

2.7/5

The Human Family Tree

The Human Family Tree, 2009, Documentary
Plot: This documentary traces the roots of a group of people in New York City and suggests that we all descended from the same original DNA code.

Thoughts: I really thought this was interesting and amazing how we are all related to one another and not as different as we would like to think. There’s not too much to say because the fiml was pretty repetitve. It got a little old after a while but it was still interesting to see how people migrated and adapted.

3.7/5